The Painful Loss.

It has only been 3 weeks.


3 weeks ago, I lost the most beautiful soul that I've ever known; my grandma.
And that was probably the worst day of my life thus far.

I grew up having my grandma around, and to be honest, she was like a mother to me and my siblings. She was the best definition of a perfect grandma, the best anyone could have had. She cared so much about everyone, she put everyone's interest first before hers, she showered us with her unconditional love. She did so much for others, and what she did for us is beyond my ability to tell. No one had ever treated us the way she did, not even our own mother. So you can imagine how much her passing is affecting me and my siblings. To think that I would never, ever receive that kind of love again is just too heartbreaking. I miss having her around. I think about her almost all the time. I just miss her so much. 

This is the first time I ever experienced losing a loved one, and I never knew it could be this painful. So painful that it eats you everyday. It's funny how we tend to appreciate someone more only when they're gone. And when this happens, you started to have so much regrets; things you wish you had done, and things you wish you hadn't. Yes, I have so much regrets. I wish I had shown that I care more, I wish I had told her I love her more often, I wish I had apologized to her the last day I saw her. But to think that she was taken away in peace during the Holy month of Ramadhan (23rd Syawal), it made me glad. Alhamdulillah, Allah has made it easy for her. 

I could write a really long post about her, but that would just make me cry harder. There are days that I feel strong, and days that I feel so weak and fragile. And today is just one of the latter days. May Allah give me and my family the strength to endure this, and may Allah shower His mercy upon her and place her in Jannah among the solihin. Ameen. 



No one could ever replace you. I love you forever, Atok.

An Indirect Apology.

With the progression of age, I could only get better.

I could only give my best, to myself, and to everyone else.

I was immature, and I hurt a lot of people.
For that, I'm truly sorry.
And to those people I have hurt, 
I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me,
And I wish you happiness in whatever you do :)

Where I'm Standing

So I've started life as a student once again (being a postgraduate student this time). Alhamdulillah I've been enjoying it so far. I'm currently studying at HELP University, driving back and forth to class from where I'm staying at. This is my first experience studying at a private university and boy, I'm loving it! *jakun mode on

Don't mean to sound so jakun, but oh my postgrad life is amazing. My class is basically just twice a week, after office hours since most of my classmates are working. It's a modular basis, which means I only learn 1 subject at a time. One module takes about 3 weeks class and 3 weeks gap to finish assignments, so yeay! I'm done with my second module right now, and waiting for the next module in a week time. 

And I love my classmates! Frankly, being the only Malay in class (so far), I was afraid that I won't fit in, but thankfully they're all so friendly and mature. Race is definitely not an issue since the class is multinational anyway. 

Things have been great. 2015 is a year full of challenges for me, but I overcame those challenges to get where I am now. Alhamdulillah. May 2016 bring us greater length of happiness, success, and prosperity :)


Take care! ♡