That one painful feeling.

I've watched quite a number of movies and read a lot of novels that are all about losing someone very dear, losing them as in forever. Be it a family, or your partner, when you love that person deeply, the suffering and grief are the most serious stresses to endure.


Me myself, I had never experienced losing someone before. And of course, break ups don't count. Therefore, I can't possibly imagine how awful and painful they really feel, although I can feel the sadness. You get what I mean? You'll never understand, until it happens to you. Like, those who hear amazing stories about Disneylands can feel a bit of the excitement just by hearing the stories, but they surely don't get how it actually feels like to be in there unless they experience it themselves. It's similar to this one. Watching those lovey dovey movies and TV series that are related to this like A Walk To Remember, P.S I Love You, or Ghost Whisperer for example, they instantly brought tears down my cheeks. And so did tons of novels I'd read, either Malay or English. My heart broke just by watching the movies, let alone if I'm the one who is facing it. Major depression. 


As from what I had seen and learned from these movies and novels, losing someone because they're dead is not the same as losing someone because they left us. And trying to move on for the first situation is probably twice as hard as the second one, under certain conditions. When you are used to having that person around all the time, doing so many things together, hearing them talking, seeing them laughing, and suddenly one day that person is gone forever, and every place you go reminds you of that person, how do you think it makes you feel? The feeling of missing someone so badly, but you can't do anything about it. You can never see them again, never hear them talking to you anymore. No matter how bad you want to, it's just not possible. It's different though, when the person who left you is still here in this world. You may miss them, but it's still possible to communicate, although you're a thousand miles away from each other. Missing someone who is alive,  and missing someone who is dead. They're just different, aren't they?


And yes, moving on is never easy. If I'm in their shoes, I honestly don't know how capable I am to handle the grief. But one thing that I will constantly remind myself of, is that everyone is going to die eventually. Somebody will leave somebody, and it goes on. It's just a matter of time. And there's no use blaming God for taking your loved ones away, cause God is never unfair. And do remember to keep praying for the people you lose, as it is the only way of 'connecting' to them .


I don't even know why I'm posting this. Maybe because I get carried away after watching this one movie. Ahhh I'm so emotional :(  Sob.

Talk like a girly girl.

A girl lies when she says she hates surprises, she simply doesn't want you to plan long drawn surprises. Which girl doesn't want to see a little effort from the man she loves?

A girl also lies when she says nothing's wrong. There's Always something wrong. Once again, she wants to see your effort in noticing what's wrong even without having to ask.

A girl lies, all the time.

Must they really?

I've heard, too many times, stories of parents-children relationships that are gripping kids hard. Because of that, we as kids, are afraid to grow up, fearful of becoming someone whom we detest the most. Fearful of being a bad example, being sternly but quietly judged by our children like what I'm doing to the generation my parents belong to.


Twenty, I accept the fact.


But them being fourty, fifty or whatever, why is that, we as kids, are learning not to repeat someone's mistakes instead of being taught what is the right thing to do?


I pity my little sister for not being able to go to boarding school while she has the opportunity to do so, and is eager to learn to be independent. Getting straight As in PMR like myself few years back, she should be given a chance to experience a hostel life herself. But why is it, my parents don't really agree with the idea of her being sent to a boarding school, just because I made a mistake once?
Yes, I screwed my SPM result because of being in a boarding school. But it's not necessarily going to happen to my sister. Different people have different attitudes and ways to cope with something. I might not be able to perform well during those years because of my own laziness and the inability to fight the homesickness, but they should not judge my sister the same, right? Poor thing.


Although I believe it doesn't matter where we study as long as we put the best effort in it, but still, the experience is what different. Being in boarding schools and normal schools is totally a different thing. We won't get it unless we experience it ourselves. And now because of the mistakes I made, my sister doesn't get the chance to experience something she has always wanted.




But after all, TIGS isn't bad, sister. It's a cluster school what?