The Painful Loss.

It has only been 3 weeks.


3 weeks ago, I lost the most beautiful soul that I've ever known; my grandma.
And that was probably the worst day of my life thus far.

I grew up having my grandma around, and to be honest, she was like a mother to me and my siblings. She was the best definition of a perfect grandma, the best anyone could have had. She cared so much about everyone, she put everyone's interest first before hers, she showered us with her unconditional love. She did so much for others, and what she did for us is beyond my ability to tell. No one had ever treated us the way she did, not even our own mother. So you can imagine how much her passing is affecting me and my siblings. To think that I would never, ever receive that kind of love again is just too heartbreaking. I miss having her around. I think about her almost all the time. I just miss her so much. 

This is the first time I ever experienced losing a loved one, and I never knew it could be this painful. So painful that it eats you everyday. It's funny how we tend to appreciate someone more only when they're gone. And when this happens, you started to have so much regrets; things you wish you had done, and things you wish you hadn't. Yes, I have so much regrets. I wish I had shown that I care more, I wish I had told her I love her more often, I wish I had apologized to her the last day I saw her. But to think that she was taken away in peace during the Holy month of Ramadhan (23rd Syawal), it made me glad. Alhamdulillah, Allah has made it easy for her. 

I could write a really long post about her, but that would just make me cry harder. There are days that I feel strong, and days that I feel so weak and fragile. And today is just one of the latter days. May Allah give me and my family the strength to endure this, and may Allah shower His mercy upon her and place her in Jannah among the solihin. Ameen. 



No one could ever replace you. I love you forever, Atok.